Why you should NEVER threaten to leave your child if they refuse to go home from the park or the playground
- Two Child Therapists Revealed Why You Shouldn’t Threaten to Leave a Child Behind
- If they’re having fun, don’t tell them you’re leaving
- Instead, you have to follow a four-step process, which means they feel safe
- Kristin and Deena Shared Their Exact Four Step Process for Successful Parenting
Child therapists have revealed why you should never threaten to leave your child if they refuse to leave a location, and the four-step process you should use instead.
Kristin and Deena, from the US, are the brains behind the Big little feelings parenting guide, and they share solutions to common baby, child, and toddler problems.
In their latest tip, the moms revealed why you shouldn’t tell your son or daughter you’re leaving them in the park or somewhere fun, because this is “trigger zone city” for kids.
Child therapists revealed why you should never threaten to leave your child when they refuse to leave a location, and the four-step process you should use instead (Kristin and Deena pictured on Big Little Feeling)
Kristin and Deena posted on facebook: ‘You are walking with your toddler. You have to eat, the baby is screaming and your toddler is walking backwards looking for worms, despite often asking him to get into the pram.
“How many times have we heard (or done) this on the playground?” They wrote.
The mothers explained that when you say ‘Okay, I’m leaving’ and they ignore you and you keep threatening to say ‘Okay, I’m serious, I’m leaving now’, before they start sobbing and running towards you. run, this is ‘triggering’ for a child.
“They don’t want to leave the park, they feel sad and they want to stay,” they wrote.
“When we say to our children, ‘I’m leaving you, bye,’ we inadvertently say: Your feelings about wanting to stay don’t matter, I’m leaving now, get over it,” the therapists said.
‘And, [it’s like saying] there’s a chance I’ll actually leave you one day. This is pretty scary for their little brains.’
The four-step process to get kids off somewhere fun
STEP ONE: SEE THEM – Say ‘You’re having so much fun’.
STEP TWO: OK THEIR FEELINGS – Say ‘It’s hard to leave when you’re having fun’.
STEP THREE: KEEP THE BORDER – Say ‘It’s time to go home’.
STEP FOUR: ORIENT TO THE FUN – Name a fun thing you could do together when both of you are at home.
Source: Big little feelings
They said it’s ‘triggering’ to tell a child to go somewhere because it makes them think you might abandon them one day too (stock image)
Instead of doing this, the couple said you need a “plan” or a four-step process to get them to leave the park or some other fun activity.
To do this, you must first “see” them by saying something like “You’re having so much fun.”
After this, you have to say ‘okay their feelings’ by saying ‘it’s hard to leave when you’re having fun’.
Step three is ‘hold the line’, that’s when you say ‘it’s time to go home’.
Finally, “focus on the fun” by mentioning something fun you could do together once you get home.
The reason this works so well is because of its limits.
“Don’t wait for them to be in full meltdown mode,” the experts said.
“After the first two warnings, hold the line firmly and confidently by gently removing your toddler and helping him home. It sounds like this: “It’s very difficult to leave IS. I’m going to help you now”.’
While this may upset them, by doing so you are keeping their “emotional and physical security intact, while showing them that it is now time to go home” – without any fear.
Thousands of parents who saw the simple trick were impressed and said they would definitely try to stop the empty threat on their children.
“I feel bad, I do this with my kids every day,” wrote one mother.
Others said it’s a “nice idea” on paper, but they may have a hard time executing it with their “cheeky toddler” in action.