When Keir Starmer became Labor leader five years ago, I thought it best to come up with an appropriate nickname.
The first one I came across was Max Headroom, largely due to his uncanny resemblance to the computer-generated MTV video jockey of the 1980s. Gary conjured up a perfect cartoon character, complete with Cornetto haircut.
There were even more runners and riders. Given that Starmer was the first opposition leader to receive a knighthood since the chinless Tory defeated Alec Douglas-Home in the early 1960s and had a reputation as something of a champagne socialist, Keir Royale also qualified.
But in the end, I threw the final decision to the Mail readers, who voted overwhelmingly for Max Headroom.
But somehow the nickname got lost in the Covid flood. More recently, I’ve chosen Surkeir because that’s the way most broadcasters pronounce it: summarizing his title and first name in one word.
(Can I still say my first name?)
But after watching Starmer’s press conference yesterday, I should have stayed with Max. If he mentioned ‘Headroom’ once, he must have mentioned it ten times.
That, of course, referred to last week’s disastrous, dishonest budget, which the Prime Minister signed in full knowledge that it was built on a pack of lies.
The first nickname I got for Starmer was Max Headroom, because of his uncanny resemblance to the computer-generated MTV video jockey of the 1980s, writes Richard Littlejohn
Surkeir’s defense of Rachel Reeves is ridiculous, writes Richard Littlejohn
As I regularly admit, this column contains words and not numbers. But as has been revealed in recent days, Rachel Reeves knew full well – courtesy of the Office for Budget Responsibility (OBR) – that she had, er, headroom, no Star Trek-style ‘black hole’, and that there was no excuse to raise taxes to pay for a welfare bonanza.
But sooner or later they’re both toast, just like the OBR boss.
Reeves lied to Parliament, to the Cabinet, to the media, to the markets, but worse, to the British people, with the Prime Minister’s full approval. Her attempts to justify her shameless pre-Budget porkiness failed this weekend.
No matter how much mascara you wear, Rachel, you can’t hide your lying eyes.
But ultimately the buck stops with Starmer. And yesterday he was in full, robotic, complete and utter lawyer mode. He colluded with his chancellor, claiming to be “proud” of the budget and denying that there was any deliberate deception about the state of public finances in the run-up to last Wednesday.
When he said they were now navigating ‘the narrowest part of the tunnel’ and that the British economy would soon emerge into the sun-drenched highlands, I laughed out loud.
The only part of the tunnel this gruesome pair navigates is the part that leads from the U-turn to the sewers. And they take us all with them.
Starmer and Reeves are the political equivalent of the British swamp snorkel team, down to their oxen in the brown stuff.
I know that lawyers like Surkeir are expected to subscribe to the ‘taxi rank’ principle and are willing to give any assignment on behalf of their clients, no matter how far-fetched.
But his defense of Reeves — and, by extension, himself — yesterday was risky. Even before he stood up on his hind legs, the jury wasn’t so much out and about as on the road at the Magpie And Stump, tucking into a pint and a pork pie after being unanimously declared ‘guilty’.
Surkeir’s plea for mitigation, his own deprived childhood, telephone disconnected, cold bedroom, family unable to pay the bills, tatty school uniform, etc., were simply embarrassing. It was the Surrey equivalent of Monty Python’s Four Yorkshiremen.
Before young Keir left the cardboard box for the subsidized secondary school where he grew up in the deprived, poverty-stricken stockbroker belt of Guildford, he had to lick the road clean with his tongue because his parents couldn’t afford to feed him breakfast.
No doubt its beleaguered Chancellor once lived in a rolled-up newspaper in a septic tank for three months. That’s why they raised taxes to get 50 million (fill in your own figure) children ‘out of poverty’.
Sorry, but no one – apart from the applauding central casting seals at the back of the press conference – believes any of this nonsense.
Let me put it this way, Max. If even the left-wing BBC and Sky News accuse you of lying, it’s game over.
I think ITV’s Peston has done the same, but I always lose the will to live halfway through his questions.
Starmer and Reeves may be one step ahead of the gang at the moment, but they can’t delay their day of reckoning forever.
The watchdogs, the media and even half the cabinet are closing in. Yesterday’s ‘damage control’ operation was an exercise in sophistry, an insult to everyone’s intelligence.
Okay, so they can hold on for a while after throwing some red meat at their dirty class warriors. But sooner or later they’re both toast.
What are the chances that any of them will still be in office after the local elections in May? As Max Headroom may have noted:
Nnnn-no chance. . .
